from This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. this year we started off good and i thought we could actually be friends, but then she started again. She's even lost some friends. Have you ever wondered if one of your friends was a real friend or just a fake? Other people are also in the same position. 12/24/20 New friends can bring interest and excitement back into our lives. ", "We're actually sharing the deep, painful parts of our lives". Friends are the people we go too for inspiration when we are feeling down and need support. Take up the test below and get to find out for sure. So I created a quiz to help you find out one way or the other. You do this by acting as a real friend to the new people you meet. 9. 2. Loyalty, care and connection: In a real friendship, loyalty is key and connection is the currency. Turns out it's not like you think it is. Or, is it about trying to figure out what to say 'yes' to?" A 'Stay Home' sign is taped to a driver's vehicle as she passes Christmas lights during a car caravan of nurses calling for people to remain home amid a surge of COVID-19 cases in El Paso on November 16, 2020. Being real: With your real friends, you can laugh or cry, be either silly or serious, and still feel the warmth of true connection. The couple abandoned their royal duties earlier this year to … 8. "I have people that don't believe the virus is real; they feel like it's a government conspiracy," Middleton says. 1. 2. Listen to them. 'What real friends do' The pandemic, and the social distancing it's necessitated, have strained some social connections. A white lie is one thing, but if someone regularly lies, that’s a good way … It is intended for fun only so do … She's even lost some friends. Do you think your friends secretly dislike you? Ghosh says she's had difficult conversations in her own family, and she advises keeping the focus on the desire to keep everyone safe and healthy. The pandemic, and the social distancing it's necessitated, have strained some social connections. Her sister, who is pregnant, has been taking social distancing rules very seriously, she says, but others in the family are more eager to get together indoors. Find everything out by passing the test! I do have male friends, but they do not behave in this way, and I would be very concerned if they did. "One of the things that I think is important to acknowledge upfront is that you care about them and you don't want anything to happen to them, and it's not just about you," Ghosh says. People can hide their intentions on others very well, they are your friends from outside, but you never know what's going in their mind. Check out the latest health news, articles, advice, and trends for you and your family on topics like nutrition, weight loss, popular diets, and exercise. "I think putting that out there upfront, especially with older parents, is important.". Real friends look beyond the sparkle of personality to the essence of what makes each other tick. The denialism she's witnessed among some old friends is particularly painful, Middleton says, because she's had family members who've been sick with the virus. "When we see the political headlines, when we see the news about COVID, it feels like these are conversations we can't just push to the side and focus on our family dynamic. i now have one really good friend but the other one has started to hurt her also. Information, download Hosted by Anica Colbert and produced by KPBS, San Diego and the Imperial County's NPR and PBS station. ". It's about being able to take turns: understanding and being understood, giving and getting support, and caring enough to listen for words unspoken. That's a lot of hard work. Copyright 2020 NPR. We do things for one another because we want to. Avoid making too many demands of your friends. Middleton recently had to turn down an invitation to visit another close friend because she didn't feel safe getting on a plane – and her friend's response made her feel closer, she says. Water the plant: Like plants, friendships need to be watered, too. To view PDF documents, Download Acrobat Reader. Celebrate the good stuff: Real friends celebrate your victories. 12 months later, the royal couple are spending their first Christmas in their new £11m "forever" home in California - and Meghan plans to host friends and family for the special day. They can encourage you to become a better version of you, but they also help you see the beauty of who you are right now. Explore celebrity trends and tips on fashion, style, beauty, diets, health, relationships and more. Do I Have Real Friends? NPR 'What Real Friends Do': How to Navigate Tough Conversations About COVID-19. MCCAMMON: And until that vaccine becomes widely available, it might be a good time for all of us to try being a little more understanding, even at a distance. at 7:41 a.m.), LATEST UPDATES: Tracking COVID-19 | Racial Justice. You recognize real friends who show an underlying kindness, especially when times are tough. . Real friends give each other the space to grow, the time to recalibrate, and the open door to sharing insights that only come from experience. Friends aren’t bound by blood or family bonds, employment contracts or legal obligations. parts: 12 Evil_thing . For Middleton, in Los Angeles, it's also been a time to communicate more honestly with some of her friends. You know they have your back. "It's felt frustrating at times. Real friends check in with one another. Your intuition will tell you that a particular person is not to be trusted blindly. Bartley says. This test is not based on any scientific study whatsoever. . Here are some of the qualities that I am grateful for in my friends. You know, you can feel energy from people in terms of wanting to be together," the 29-year-old from Portland, Ore., says. Middleton says the swirl of misinformation around the coronavirus has complicated discussions about the need for mask-wearing and social distancing. While different people have different qualities, just thinking about them makes me smile. 10. 4. Water the plant: Like plants, friendships need to … The spike in COVID-19 numbers, coinciding with the holidays, is forcing many people to have difficult conversations with friends and family about whether and how to gather. Some believe that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. But how can you tell which, if any, of your friends are real "keepers?" What is most important for real friendship to blossom? It’s not just older people who need to make new friends. i hate confrontation and i wanna fix everything but i dont know what to do. Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have released their long-awaited Christmas card, showing the pair posing with son Archie and two dogs. As it gets colder, and harder to gather outdoors, some of Kenzie Billings' conversations with her loved ones are feeling a bit more fraught. And she has found it especially hard to navigate these negotiations without being face-to-face. And then exerting those boundaries is actually really hard, with the people that you love," Billings says. Do they lie to you or others? The Sussexes posed in front of a … We learn as we grow. How Safe Sex Communication Skills Can Help, It Was Just 30 Units, But An East LA Apartment Fire Underscores The Veteran Housing Crisis, Live Updates: Brush Fire In Fallbrook Spreads Into Camp Pendleton, Evacuations Ordered, Republicans Block $2,000 Virus Checks Despite Trump Demand, The Old Globe Production Of 'Dr. Nothing makes sense anymore? You Feel It In Your Gut. Founder of projecthappiness.org, author, filmmaker. Take a look and see which ones you can match to the people in your lives. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org. . That's what real friends do. "It can be hard, but at the end of the day, they're still family," he says. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, The essential guide to taking care of your mind and body. Nov 26 "These are friends that I've known since middle school. December 17, 2020 08:15 AM . But they've forced others to become deeper and more genuine. Please refer to 10 things “real” friends never do! Do I have any real friends or are they all fake? Nothing makes sense anymore? Are they your REAL friends? Whether that is every day or on birthdays every year, it is always special. "I have people that don't believe the virus is real; they feel like it's a government conspiracy," Middleton says. All rights reserved. ©2020 Verizon Media. "I think before the pandemic, a lot of us were just on surface-level friendships," she says. Your joy is their joy, too. i have a "friend" thats always been rude to me and bossed me around. shes always taken my real friends away from me. 7. Everyone needs a little positive energy here and there, and true friends have it in spades. Whether writing a response to a photo tagged on Facebook, sending a birthday card by post, or making a hospital visit, the efforts we make for our friends are intentional acts of kindness. Need help keeping up with the news that matters most? … With a spike in COVID-19 cases colliding with cold weather and … Kindness counts: Fair-weather friends are fun when times are good. Even for a physician, asking loved ones to wear masks and stay distant from each other can be difficult, says Dr. Tista Ghosh, an epidemiologist in Colorado and the state's former chief medical officer. They want the best for you and have the caring and confidence to be genuinely happy for your successes. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Real friends make you feel needed, confident, and happy. + Subscribe to our podcasts. Let each other grow: Life is dynamic and people change. Balance of power: Real friendships are not about one person being the star and the other being the servant. Part of HuffPost Wellness. "Based on each person's level of comfortability, how do we discern, 'Yes, I can do this, but I can't do this?' Find everything out by passing the test! Do you think they are faking it? Real friends understand, and because they understand they are capable of forgiving. But they've forced others to become deeper and more genuine. Offering creative alternatives can help soften the impact of conversations about social distancing, says Alise Bartley, a counseling professor at Florida Gulf Coast University. Real friends will show up if you need a helping hand and will show up to celebrate with you afterward. That's what real friends do. This, of course, doesn’t happen overnight. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. A real friend accepts you as you are. Focus on the good: You don't have to impress real friends. On The Radio', Here's Where COVID-19 Outbreaks Have Happened In San Diego County, Hundreds Of COVID-19 Cases Tied To San Diego County Tribal Casinos, Live Blog: San Diego County Reports 2,598 New COVID-19 Cases, Trump Pardons 15 People, Including Former San Diego Rep. Duncan Hunter, COVID-19 Cases Spike At San Diego County Jails And Detention Centers, KPBS Financial If someone deliberately spreads false information or shares the secrets you’ve ever asked them to keep, they probably don’t deserve your trust. "Because that's what friends do – we understand each other – that's what real friends do.". San Diego news; when you want it, where you want it. at 7:41 a.m.), Brush Fire In Fallbrook Spreads Into Camp Pendleton, Evacuations Ordered, 'Dude, I'm Done': When Politics Tears Families And Friendships Apart, Pandemic Deepens Cancer's Stress And Tough Choices, Kids Feel Pandemic Stress Too. Turns out it's not like you think it is. My best advice would be to distance yourself away from this guy, do not send any more texts, do not respond to his texts, and find yourself a more suitable friend. ‘What Real Friends Do’: How to Navigate Tough Conversations About COVID-19 Sarah McCammon | December 16, 2020 A “Stay Home” sign is taped to a driver’s vehicle as she passes Christmas lights during a car caravan of nurses calling for people to remain home amid a coronavirus surge last month in El Paso, Texas. They can introduce us to new hobbies, new people and new places. Get local stories on politics, education, health, environment, the border and more. ‘What Real Friends Do’: How to Navigate Tough Conversations About COVID-19. California State University psychology professor Kelly Campbell says that true friends "should have your best interest at heart, stand up for you in your absence, keep your secrets, treat you with respect, be trustworthy and supportive, and be happy for your successes," (via HackSpirit ). Multiple dates But they've forced others to become deeper and more genuine. Do I Have Real Friends? Ghosh advises looking for safer ways to connect, such as eating a holiday meal separately and then going for a walk together, or even meeting up in different cars for a tailgate party. It feels like these are conversations that need to be had.". I think we all wonder this at times - sometimes people do (or don't do) the things you'd expect a good friend to do. Keep up with all the latest news, arts and culture, and TV highlights from KPBS. 3. Yes, best friends are excellent listeners, they will listen to whatever you tell … Ask questions to get a … New episodes are ready weekday mornings. Here are some of the qualities that I am grateful for in my friends. Davidson says it's been frustrating to witness some of his family members' skepticism about the need for social distancing, but the stress of the pandemic also made him appreciate them more. - Do I have any real friends or are they all fake? "So there's a lot of push and pull there in terms of, 'OK, where are my boundaries?' Dec 24, 2020, Airs Thursday, Dec. 24, 2020 at 10 p.m. on KPBS 2, (Posted Fun. You understand each other. You understand each other. While different people have different qualities, just thinking about them makes me smile. Even when they disagree with you ("that hat looks like it came from a dead opossum") they still support you … Want more KPBS news?Find us on Twitter and Facebook, or sign up for our newsletters. F is for forgiveness: When conflicts come up, real friends have the courage to reach out directly rather than gossiping and letting irritations grow. 6. Real friends see past the surface, and appreciate the good qualities in you. Never miss a beat with MailOnline's latest news for women. Real friends give each other the space to grow, the time to recalibrate, and the open door to sharing insights that only come from experience. Deep, painful parts of the qualities that I 've known since middle school it about trying to out. If you need a helping hand and will show up to celebrate with you.! Underlying kindness, especially when times are good being face-to-face Feel it in your lives to. Different qualities, just thinking about them makes me smile always special `` we 're actually the! My real friends look beyond the sparkle of personality to the people your... Loyalty, care and connection is the currency are not about one person being the and! 'S latest news for women holiday when many families gathered despite public recommendations. Birthdays every year, it 's not like you think it is the of. 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